Cycle 2, CD 14, 43 days of TTGP.
Things are better. Sometimes you just need a day or two to let yourself be sad. Then you get your shit together and get on with your life. If you keep swimming in misery, you're gonna drown. I'm getting out of that pool. Is this analogy dead? I think so. Moving on.
FOOD! I'm eating healthy, ya'll. Thanks to some awesome bumpies who have joined me as friends on My Fitness Pal (megg0waffles, btw), my desire to track my calories and get in exercize has increased exponentially. And it feels good. Also, this means the longer it takes me to get pregnant, the longer I have to get healthier, so there's that. Yay for looking on the bright side!
I'm still doing Nutrisystem, and I have every intention of sticking with the plan as close to 100% as possible. I have the food; my only excuse is laziness. I am giving myself a pass on CD1s (a free meal of whatever I want), our trip to Gettysburg in a few weeks (eat non-nutrisystem but try to keep it healthy). and our anniversary dinner. Thats it. Other than that, I want to track & meet my FitBit exercize goal every day.
I love it when I feel like I have a fresh start. I feel good today. Today is a good day.
Cycle 2, CD12. 41 Days of TTGP.
I have just started this journey. It is still new and exciting and overwhelming and scary and fun and happy and sad all at the same time. I need a place to get all these feelings out of my brain without driving my DH or best friends crazy, so here we go...
Today is hard. Today is the first day that I am really, truly sad that we aren't pregnant yet. Today would be my Babci's birthday. She's been gone since February, and I miss her so much. I feel so guilty that I am the only one of her grandchildren to not give her a great-grandchild, especially since we were so close. DH & I didn't even stop preventing until after she had passed, and I know we made the right descision to wait for the house to get done and to pay off the car. But none of that feels as important when I wish that Babci had gotten to meet my child. Being pregnant would have been a wonderful birthday present to her, and a small way to ease the pain of her not being here.
Tomorrow will be easier. Tomorrow will be just another day of enjoying my husband and happily imagining our future family, and being content with where we are and hopefull about where we are headed. But today, I'm going to wish things were different.